2013 has taught me more than any other year of living. Well, perhaps that is not true, it just stuck this time around...
I have learned that beautiful-sweet things begin with dirt, in dirt; flowers, people, pineapples...all began in dirt. Life will bloom towards the direction of the light, and any un-kept garden with warrior weeds will not live, but die.
Children are like flowers: they need light, and fresh air to thrive.
I am children.
There is a Comfort that cannot be squelched, a Refuge, a Strength that cannot be shaken by any storm. Comfort cannot be recognized without upheaval and without upheaval there is no need to seek a refuge. A need for strength cannot be recognized without first admitting gaping, impossible needs, struggles and weakness.
Grace does not exist without failures. Thank you, God, for my failures, my weaknesses, my painful awareness of my hypocrisy, for it is only by these things I have learned your grace.
Against all odds, life will resurface. LIFE cannot be buried, burnt, beaten out or down...because, you see, LIFE conquered the grave in the resurrection of Jesus...the LIFE I have.
The whispered, repeated name of Jesus is the only thing to help a child sleep, some nights.
I have come to believe that I am the righteous; not because I actually am, but because God says so through sentences spilled on a cross with blood red ink. His promises are for me. I can take Him at His word.
Life can be simple. Always. I'm serious about that. No matter the complications and brokenness, living is made simple by this: love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your mind, and with all of your strength.
Seeking God's face to the point of exhaustion is not possible. It cannot come to that, as there is too much life there, and too much living to be healed in His presence...
Jesus never corrected anyone and left them without their dignity (unless their hearts were already hard, like the Pharisees). His ways of correction do not condemn, but restore.
I have learned that Jesus trusted the veracity of the testimony of his resurrection to women, and what that means...and how it changes my life.
Praying is a love language. Music is a love language. The moon is a love letter.
I have learned how to keep myself from crying...finally. And I have learned to weep. I have learned there is a worship in silent-grieving sobs, with no breath between, in broken hallelujahs. What else would one bellow once delivered?
I have learned the joy in moments of "firsts" with my children, and the sorrow in the "last" moments...that I miss every day. The last time my daughter needed help standing came and went without me. The last moment my son needed help turning the sink on...I missed these and so much more. I have learned that I love my children with a fierce love, and it is no longer motivated by guilt, but gratitude.
I have learned what a broken heart is when I drop them off at daycare. I learn this every-single-day.
I have learned the joy in holding them again at the end of the day, when I am exhausted, and the ability I have to give more when I have nothing left to give. I learn this every-single-day.
It is never the time to kick a man, but especially when he is already down.
Meekness is power under control.
God is the Author of my faith. It is HE who began a GOOD work in me, and it is HIM who will see it to completion.
I can cease my striving, and know that He. Is. God.
He. Is. Good.
He Is I AM.
I have learned that building a house on the sand will only always lead to a great fall. A home that's fallen reaches many hearts. It breaks them all. Breaks them. But God can fix and heal those wounded much more so than I ever could. I just need to obey His prompts...and build on the Rock.
He has the whole world in His hands.
I have learned to let go. I am learning what selfless love is, what it feels like, and how painful it can be; and, how wonderful it is to see someone bloom, grow and heal...even if you can't be a part of it.
I have learned to hang on. To hold on. To wait, and to go.
Pride destroys.
Burdens can be lifted.
Of self-righteous sinners, I am truly the worst.
Tithe.
The only things guaranteed to me are God's love and salvation.
I have learned what being a good friend is (because of the incredible friends in my life), and that family is a room you can just sit in...and be...whatever you ARE.
I have learned salt preserves, melts ice, dissolves concrete, flavors and causes a body to retain water. I have come to believe that maybe, just maybe, I am the salt of the earth.
My treasure is truly where my heart is. My heart is truly where my treasure is. My living does not lie about what my treasure is, and sometimes this mortifies me.
God knows.
God is not mad at me.
God prunes the dead vines away, so that they no longer steal life and nutrients from going to the fruit.
His sheep know His voice.
I fear only that which can take my soul and keep me from living life in the Spirit. The truest thing I want...is peace.
I will win the battles I am intended to win; and, that is not all of them.
The memories of my wedding day will always be sweet to me; and, that's as it should be. The stories of grace strewn throughout my marriage will always be sweet to me; and that's as it should be.
I am not the rain maker.
Don't step in; step back.
God has woken the mourning up in me...and with it- comes the MORNING. Tomorrow. New Year. New Life.
...and every day is that way...we compose an Ode to Joy, or to something else.
I choose joy.
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